Home From Within Read online

  “So, anyone have any questions?” Mrs. Daley asked. The room stayed silent. “All right then. The bell will be ringing in about five minutes. I want you to look at your schedules again and we’ll each go around real quick and say what class and room we’re going to next. Maybe someone in here’s going to the same place and you can walk together.”

  Jessica panicked. She did not have the courage to speak in front of her homeroom, especially around that boy who was already making her feel so off balance. She listened carefully as kids fumbled over their words and struggled to figure out exactly what room they were going to next. She felt a little relieved looking at people’s faces; they all looked as red as she felt.

  The boy who was staring at Jessica announced clearly he was going to room 231, Freshman Biology. Jessica stared at her schedule. Ohmigod! We are going to the same place!

  “Anyone else headed to Biology next?” Mrs. Daley asked as the bell rang.

  Jessica was unable to speak. She tried really hard, but the words refused to come out.

  “Well, too bad. I’m sure the rest of you will be just fine, but if you need help, please come back to this room and I’ll point you in the right direction.”

  Despite a blush that covered her chest and face, Jessica looked up and smiled at Mrs. Daley’s angelic face.

  As the bell rang, the reality of her foolishness hit her. What would that boy think as he saw her walk into the same classroom as him? Jessica got up slowly and tried to think of all the ways she could get out of Freshman Biology. Maybe she could switch classes. But how would she explain the reason to her parents? Maybe Marilee’s brother Tommy could come home on leave from the Marines and pretend to be her father. Yeah, and sign papers to get her out of second period Biology. Or maybe Aunt Lodi.

  Jessica stepped out of the safe confines of homeroom and was swept into a current of students. She finally managed to swim upstream and after a few minutes arrived safely in front of room 231. For a brief moment, she thought about hiding in the bathroom, but the image of her parents’ faces persuaded her otherwise. She took a deep breath, touched her cross and dream catcher charm with her fingers, and walked into the classroom. The biology teacher was standing by his desk fiddling with something, so Jessica caught only a glimpse of his silhouette—tall and gangly, like a tree along the road they passed on the drive to Aunt Lodi’s in the UP. As he turned to address the students, Jessica noticed his large black-rimmed glasses, and he sported tufts of gray hair that stuck out in a mess while papers and other items were falling out of the pockets of his white lab coat.

  Mr. Wilberg called each of the students alphabetically and then pointed to where he wanted them to sit. One name was repeated because no owner claimed it: Peterson.

  “Jessica Turner,” he announced, pointing to the last lab table in the back. A girl named Cassandra Stokle was already sitting there. The table held room for six students and was eventually filled with three more. Mr. Wilberg was double-checking his placement when a student walked into the classroom ten minutes late.

  “Sorry,” the boy said, “I had to help a student find her classroom.”

  Jessica looked up to see the boy from her homeroom. Her face blazed again.

  “You are late. Do not come to my class late.”

  The boy looked surprised. “What? You want me to leave a cryin’ girl in the hallway just to get to class on time?”

  “You will get to class on time, crying or no crying.”

  The boy was about to say something else but hesitated, gave a cocky smile, and said, “Yes, sir. Where do you want me to sit?”

  Mr. Wilberg’s eyes narrowed. “What is your name?”

  “Paul Peterson.”

  “Peterson?” Mr. Wilberg looked down at the sheet of paper with all the seating decisions. He rubbed his forehead with one hand and then pointed to one of the lab tables.

  “Peterson is supposed to be at that table. But as you can see, that table is full because we did not know we had a Peterson.” Some of the students started chuckling. Jessica was amazed that Paul did not appear flustered by what was happening and stood calmly waiting for the confused biology teacher to figure things out. After about thirty seconds, Mr. Wilberg ordered him to have a seat at the last lab table. Jessica felt light-headed as Paul made his way toward her. He gave her a sheepish grin as he sat down next to her, and she noticed for the first time how gorgeous his eyes were; they reminded her of a blue stained-glass window with the sun shining through from behind. Jessica gave him a small smile and turned her attention back to Mr. Wilberg and all his rules.

  Chapter 3

  Paul Peterson barely looked at Jessica during Biology. He took notes, listened attentively, and quietly nodded at a few kids he knew. When the bell rang, he got up and walked toward them. The boys grinned and pushed each other when they greeted and Jessica watched them talk for a few seconds, and then follow Paul out of the classroom. Despite the seesaw of emotions she’d experienced earlier, she liked the idea of someone taking an interest in her. She had never been intensely looked at by a boy before.

  After attending a few more classes, Jessica found herself being pushed by a mass of bodies in the hallway, trying to edge away from a large, smelly boy, when she felt a gentle tug on her arm. It was Eddie, Marilee’s brother. He smiled and calmly asked, “Do you know where you’re going?”

  “I’m trying to meet Marilee in the lunchroom.”

  “Come on.”

  Jessica followed Eddie as he made his way through the crowd of bodies and led Jessica to the lunchroom that housed hundreds of students. It looked as wide and long as a football field with windows lining the walls, which gave it a more open feeling, unlike the classrooms. But the booming sounds of teenage voices piled on top of each other were what drew Jessica’s attention, never having experienced the contained loudness of her kind before.

  “Hey, I’m over here.” Marilee waved her hands above her head while standing in a long line to purchase lunch with her big sister Barbara.

  Jessica pointed to Marilee, and Eddie said he would see them later.

  “I am sooo hungry,” Marilee said, all smiles.

  “Me too,” Jessica said. “Hi, Barbara.”

  “Hey, freshie. Are you playing nice with everyone?”

  Marilee jumped in. “Maybe that’s a question we should be asking you.”

  Jessica hid her smile and continued to talk to Marilee. As they approached the cashier, Jessica realized she had to purchase her lunch; she’d assumed it was free. She jammed her fingers into her jean pockets to search for money, but Marilee told her not to worry; they would share what she bought. Jessica followed Marilee as she paved a way to a table that only had a few students.

  “Is Barbara sitting with us?”

  “No way. She wants to sit with her wastoid friends.”

  Jessica took a bite of Marilee’s pizza and quickly realized that smell and taste do not match in a school lunchroom.

  “Ohmigod, I have to tell you about my gym class. I have the absolute worst gym teacher ever. I want to gag myself when I look at her.”

  “Geez, what’s wrong with her?”

  “She kept saying we have to change into our gym uniform. She said she would stand in the locker room and make sure we’re all in our shorts and T-shirts. And don’t even think about bringing a note to get out of swimming because you have your period.”

  “Ew, that’s gross,” Jessica said as she reached for a fry, hoping it would be edible.

  The girls continued to fill each other in on details of the day, and Jessica wanted to tell Marilee about Paul, but she ran out of time. Right before the bell rang, Eddie sat down at the girls’ table to see how they were doing.

  Marilee had an earful to say, especially about the gym teacher. Jessica said she was doing pretty good except in the hallways.

  “Just elbow yourself through the crowd,” Eddie said.

  Jessica smiled, appreciating the advice, and for the first time took notice at how
handsome Eddie looked. Being away from the only space she interacted with the Ripps, their home, made her think about them in a different way. Jessica surmised that they were an attractive bunch, despite the boys’ slightly crooked noses and the girls’ frightfully pale skin. Their athletic bodies allowed them star status on any sports team they played for, and their oldest sister, Kathy, even got a scholarship to play volleyball in college. And all the Ripp children had two distinctive traits: black wavy hair and cornflower-blue eyes.

  Before parting ways, Jessica was reminded she would be walking home alone after school. Marilee, following in the footsteps of her older siblings, had signed up for cross-country and would be staying after school for practices. Jessica wondered out loud if she should also sign up but really had no interest in running. In fact, the thought of running made her want to throw up.

  “I didn’t want to sign up either, but that’s the tradition in our family.”

  Right before walking to their next class, Marilee grimaced. “I was hoping to sign up for drama club but I’m not sure how that would go over.” Jessica thought about it for a minute. She imagined Marilee up on stage in makeup and costume, smiling and taking numerous bows with an armful of flowers. It was a perfect fit.

  “I think you should go for it.”

  Marilee looked at her for a couple of seconds and then flashed a mischievous grin. “I think I just may.”

  The smell of floor wax and worn-out shoes hit Jessica’s nose as she pulled open the heavy wooden gym doors. The girls in the class were instructed to sit in a large circle. When more girls entered the gym the circle would, on cue, become wider as girls scooted themselves back to make room for the newcomers.

  Jessica looked around the circle and noticed two girls with Mohawks sitting next to each other. She tried not to look their way but could not help but sneak a peek; she was so inquisitive about their hair. Did their parents really let them do that? For the first time, she entertained the thought that other families had way different sets of rules. The Ripps were not as domineering as her family, but Mr. Ripp and her father were made of the same cloth—serving as Green Berets did that to a man.

  Ms. Rando, a petite blonde, stepped inside the circle and oriented the girls to Gym. Jessica had never attended a gym class before. However, she was forced into physical exercise at a young age. Her father had Jessica running a mile before she was eight years old, along with push-ups, sit-ups, and other types of exercises as a regular part of her wake-up routine. He stopped the regimen when Jessica got her period. She figured her mother must have suggested it was time to end the torture. Now it was Mother Nature’s turn.

  When Ms. Rando’s gym speech was over, she walked them to the locker rooms. Although not as creepy about the gym uniforms, she did emphasize that their grade was affected by what they chose to wear during Gym. The Mohawk girls whispered loud enough for the students around them to hear that “there was no fucking way they were wearing those uniforms.” Jessica’s eyes widened. As the class exited the locker room and followed Ms. Rando into the pool area, she yelled, “Choices affect grades!”

  Upon hearing the bell signaling the last period of the day, Jessica felt like she had been trampled by a stampede of wild animals. She told herself she just had to muster one more burst of energy and finish eighth period, Humanities. As one of the first students to arrive in the classroom, she smiled weakly at Mr. Gambino as he peered at her above his glasses, which perched low on his nose, and decided to sit in the back corner again, where it felt safe. Students trickled in and Jessica was surprised at how many kids she was starting to recognize from previous classes. Cassandra from Biology made her way to the back and sat next to Jessica. After a quick exchange of smiles, Cassandra started to talk when Paul stepped into the classroom. Jessica could not concentrate on what Cassandra was saying as she watched Paul gaze around the room, finally resting his stare on her face. He walked toward her, choosing the seat directly in front of her, and then turned and whispered to those around him that he didn’t know Al Capone was still alive. A few kids laughed, but Jessica had no idea what he was talking about. She smiled anyway, not wanting anyone to know how uninformed she was.

  Mr. Gambino sat on top of his desk and with a deep voice explained the goals of Humanities. Jessica tried to listen intently but was distracted by Paul sitting in front of her. She started collecting details about him in her head: medium build, auburn feathered hair that lay at his collar, a faded red-and-black flannel shirt but not the type a hunter would wear; it even had slight holes in back of the armpits. The smell of laundry detergent and a slight scent of cigarette smoke. She wondered if he was a smoker. And if so, would that stop her from thinking about him?

  “So the group project will count for 50 percent of your grade. It is imperative that you learn to work as a team,” said Mr. Gambino.

  He gingerly got off his desk and walked with a slight limp to the row all the way to the left. “You two and the two in back of you will form a group. The rest of you follow the pattern.

  Have one person write down the names of everyone in your group, and put it on my desk at the end of the period.”

  Paul turned to the boy on his right and then to Jessica and Cassandra. “Looks like we’re a group.”

  The four looked at each other for a few seconds, and then Paul spoke up. “My writing sucks.”

  The other boy, who was dressed in black and had some sort of markings all over his hands and arms, said he did not have a pen or paper to write with. Strange, Jessica thought. It looked like he used up all the ink from a pen on himself. Cassandra spoke up and said she would do it. Jessica leaned her body against the desk and squeezed her hands together underneath so no one would see them shake. She quietly said her name to Cassandra and noticed Paul looking at her.

  “Why are you talking so quiet?”

  Jessica felt so cowardly but impulsively shrugged. To Jessica’s relief, Mr. Gambino’s voice broke into Paul asking more questions.

  Books were passed out, more notes taken, and information distributed until finally the bell rang. Cassandra looked at Jessica. “I’m so glad to go home.”

  Jessica wished she felt the same.

  And just like Biology, Paul got up without looking back and left the classroom. She wondered if he was someone who liked or disliked going home. And would that make a difference in her thinking about him so much?

  Chapter 4

  When Jessica stepped outside, she was struck by the brightness of the sun and squinted to adjust to the natural light. The warm breeze of fall swirled around her like a blanket she knew well. It felt refreshing to be out of the school building. However, dreaded thoughts of the conversation she would be having with her mother weighed heavy on her.

  As with the beginning of the school day, hundreds of students gathered upon the grounds of Heritage. Cars were again filled with teenagers making their way down the street. Jessica daydreamed about getting into one of those cars with Marilee and driving far away to the deep woods where Aunt Lodi lived. Aunt Lodi had a cabin on ten acres surrounded by paper birch, tamarack, and balsam fir trees. A long narrow driveway made of grass and gravel led to her home off a two-lane country road. Two crab apple trees that looked to be one hundred years old sat pocked and wrinkled alongside the garage; the largest held an old tire swing that Aunt Lodi had Jessica’s father hang for her when she was a child. A creek ran along the property line, and in the springtime, smelt gathered and filled the entire width. Standing on either side of the bank, you could dip a net in and have dinner for the next week. Aunt Lodi could panfry smelt like no other; she could feed the whole town with her fish fries. “Peaceful” was how Aunt Lodi described where she lived. “Isolated” was what her mother thought. Jessica saw both sides, but decided she preferred the peacefulness of the UP over the city even at this age.

  As Jessica walked home, she spotted two girls from homeroom in front of her. She slowed her pace so she would not catch up to them, but began to worry she may no
t make it home to her mother’s order of “seven to ten minutes.” Jessica felt like an amateur socializing with girls her age. When she attended Mary Carter’s homeschool in kindergarten, the other students were in sixth, seventh, and eighth grades. Jessica was “cute” and “a little lady” but not a peer. As the older students graduated to high school, Jessica was alone.

  The two girls strolled down the sidewalk, making no attempts at being hurried. Jessica forgot to bring her watch and tried to estimate how long she had been walking. Before putting all the calculations in her head, she noticed the two girls stopped and were facing her, saying something she could not hear. Jessica looked behind her. No one was there.

  “Aren’t you in our homeroom?” one asked as Jessica slinked closer.

  “Uh, yes,” Jessica said.

  The girl with the matching-top-but-in-yellow stated, “You’re Marilee Ripp’s friend?”

  “Uh, yes.”